TheCorruptiouslyObnoxiousSumanSumbing's Contribution to Modern Political Thoughts, in the grain of Plato's Dialogues.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

The Evolution and De-evolution of Malay Politics: Lament of the two Joes.

Wherein Joe Bedul meets his old time friend Joe Labi for teh tarik in "Sikander Maju Nasi Kandar" and discusses over a wide variety of subjects ranging from love, life, the recent bonus announcements, gossips about Kak Eton, the kampung's sultriest janda and, ultimately, the current state of politics in Malaysia. Joe Bedul bemoans the dwindling strength of malay politics while Joe Labi becomes an instantaneous Nuclear Radiation expert.

       Joe Bedul shot into prominence in the Malaysian Political Scenario whence, upon being shown the raunchy video clip of a certain politician doing some acrobatic somersaults onto a China Doll and enjoying the show, made a public U-turn and denies vehemently that that person in said video is actually said politician. This leaves the picture of the man in the "Evolution" photomontage above a mystery figure: who could it be seeing cleaning his exhaust pipe (in tahyat-akhir pose) after use there? Rewards to the value of a Rolls Royce have been offered to those who can find a look-alike, if not the actual person, of the actor in the video.
       Anyway here is a picture of Joe Bedul. Isn't he handsome? Friends tell me that Joe Bedul bears an uncanny resemblance to a famous dead actor who was both a singer, songwriter, director, musician, actor, producer and others as well but I say this: Hogwash! Joe Bedul is far, far more handsome and far, far more talented than said actor. 
      Joe Labi, on the other hand, strives to establish his own identity instead of famously known as just being a Robin to the Joe Bedul Batman figure. He cooks and cleans for a wealthy widower but as of late has taken an interest in alpha radiation emissions coming out of Thorium-90 and other radiative by-products of Rare Earth Elements refinings. Here's the picture of both Joes taken in their most recent teh-tarik politicking session

Joe Bedul: You know something interesting I found out Joe?
Joe Labi:     What's that, Brader?
Joe Bedul: If you come to think of it, while almost all dynamical systems within our self-consistent Anthropic universe undergo some kind of evolution much in tune with the Second Law of Thermodynamics, it is unfortunate, albeit interesting to note that the Malay political thought processes are undergoing de-evolutionary phases: that from entropical order to disorder.
Joe Labi:   How do you mean, Joe?
Joe Bedul: Well firstly, this de-evolutionary process that I am talking about rides on that nasty but time-proven political adage: "THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS MY FRIEND". So for example in Malaysia, whatever the issue, politicans side not on the very merit or the sanctity of the issue itself, but rather on who is involved supporting what issue. Thereafter, political stands are made based on who is supporting what.
Joe Labi:    I am afraid you are going in circles, Joe. Why don't you illustrate what you mean by simple examples.
Joe Bedul: And that I shall presently do, Joe. For example, look at the recent DUMC spat. It is clear that there are certain proselytization efforts made by some christian factions locally. Now some christians from their community (some, not all) are DAP-backed, DAP-incited and DAP-fanned. Now in this very important issue involving faiths and blasphemies, who is Malaysia's foremost Islamic party, Islamic voice?
Joe Labi:   Why, PAS of course. They have been championing Islam from Time immemorial.
Joe Bedul: Correct. And one would think that they would be in the forefront in championing this issue and battling the proselytizing efforts of the christians. But instead what do we have? They are the ones who seem to support the DUMC
Joe Labi:   Cor Blimey. And why is that?
Joe Bedul: Because DAP is their friend in Pakatan Rakyat, and the issue is championed by UMNO. So naturally they find themselves more comfortable in befriending "the enemy of my enemy" than in defending the sanctity of their religion.
Joe Labi:    Waaa..! I never thought of that before. Ahhhh but surely, Joe, this is an isolated case, upon which you cannot generalize?
Joe Bedul: Wrong Joe. Time and again PAS have proven that they are practising this most staunchly. Care if I give another example?
Joe Labi:    By all means!

Joe Bedul: Ok consider the recent case of Ramadhan rulings. The Kedah State PAS government had wanted to curb lewd and suspicious nightclub and karaoke activities especially during the holy month of Ramadhan. I say curb, not ban. All malay muslims naturally support this, including, unfortunately, UMNO.  Now the chinese-backed DAP raises hues and cries, and stresses that it's against the spirit of Pakatan to do such a thing.
Joe Labi:   Yes, and so?
Joe Bedul: Well, some in UMNO came forward to support the move. And seeing now that the issue has become partisan, PAS finds it necessary to side with DAP, snub UMNO in the face, and in the process, snub Islam as well. All for the sake of the enemy of my enemy.
Joe Labi:   Holy Murni Haji Bakhil! Did this really happen?
Joe Bedul: It sure did. And of course you still remember the rumah-urut fiasco in Selangor. Or the Take-beer kilang there. Nuclei for profanity and iniquity like these should be natural fodder for PAS to demolish. But since the issue was DAP-originated and UMNO-opposed, PAS then decides to side on the issue of their political friend rather than to uphold the laws of God as Islam warrants.
Joe Labi:   This is really a sad state of affair, Joe. I know I kinda suspect that kind of thing when PAS seemed so gung-ho in siding with the guilty party in the Sex-video case. And even they'd rather omit the Negara-Islam principle in an effort to appease UMNO's foes or snub them. Are there any more examples of this to the best of your knowledge?
Joe Bedul: Oh plenty, Joe. Too plenty. There is the Allah's name case. But this is too glaring and ridiculous that PAS just decided to keep quiet about it, rather than state their viewpoints, which is that similar to the government. And in this case you have one lone voice, Khalid Samad who tried to appease the christians. And even then  rumor has it that is because he had, like, sipped some kind of holy water or something while on his church-appeasing rounds.
Joe Labi:   Haha you know, I don't believe in such nonsense, Joe. Changing faiths just because you drink holy water? There is no such thing as faith-changing water, holy or otherwise. If there are, then christians should just use it to shortcut on their proselytizing efforts: just dump a few gallons on Sungai Langat and everyone drinking from it from the treatment plants will all suddenly become Catholics. This is the most absurd myth I have ever heard. In fact, gimme a gallon of that water I will down it myself. How can something orginating from falsehood affect someone who has the truth?
Joe Bedul: And there is your answer, Joe. Who likes falsehood? Isn't it the devil himself? If he could tempt Job, kill his cattle, raze his crop and kill his children, what's so different about putting in some power in some H20 molecular configurations?
Joe Labi:  Ishh... you are speaking more like a kampong idiot rather than a scientist, Joe. Anyway talking about science, it has triggered in me something. I now remember a case whereby this "Enemy of my Enemy" thing of yours is clearly is illustrated in a recent scientific-works issue currently in the rounds at home. But in this case, it works for the UMNO-led government.
Joe Bedul: Elucidate, Joe!
Joe Labi:  Well recently, the State of UMNO-led Pahang is about to give license to Lynas, an Australian corporation, to bring in some radioactive ores from Australia, wash them here, get the pure Rare Earths to be sold, and leave the harmful and radioactive trailings behind for us to keep.
Joe Bedul:  Do we Malaysians own the ores?
Joe Labi:    No.  They’re owned by the Australians. They mine them there, ship, clean and process them here, sell them and they get the money. We only own the radioactive waste by-products to be buried in our soils.
Joe Bedul: And why don‘t they clean and refine the ores in Australia itself? After all, the country is 60 times bigger than Malaysia. Or whatever.
Joe Labi:  Because they have more stringent laws. The fact that Malaysia’s lax in Environmental regulations is one of our country’s pride, you know.
Joe Bedul: But from what I read, isn't the Rare Earth thing a billion dollar industry? Surely if we can tax the bejesus out of these people, there’s a sizeable income for our nation?
Joe Labi:    Nope. They’re given a 12-year tax break. The Australians are so thankful that they can pollute our lands in this matter and don’t have to pay anything for doing so.
Joe Bedul: Ah perhaps the amount of jobs that can be created by the refinery would amount to something?
Joe Labi:    Yes. Amount to about only 350 jobs in the factory. Even then, the knowledge-based, intellectually-intensive workers will be brought in from Australia. Hey! We are talking about high-tech chemical bleaching of beta and gamma-emitting entities here. But yes, the factory DO need a few truck drivers, despatch boys and security guards. How’s THAT for nation building?
Joe Bedul:  But look! The Infrastructure jobs alone can reap in benefits for our local contractors ...
Joe Labi:    Sorry. But the Australians have awarded the job of building the refinery complex, a 700 million dollar job, to the Thais. It's like the Ozzies are saying, "you mean you guys actually believe you can build refineries?"
Joe Bedul: Surely it can’t be that bad. Look on the bright side. On the long term, Malaysia is still a beautiful country, a favourite spot for tourists and on top of that becoming a provider for a valuable commodity used and heavily demanded in industries. Isn’t this the way to become a fully developed  nation by 2020?
Joe Labi:    Of course it is! And the Australians are right behind you! And don’t you listen to them detractors that warn of Kuantan fast becoming the Radioactive Capital of the world instead of your “Sun and Sea that Nature was meant to be”. After all you don’t want people to be scared of the motto “Welcome to Gebeng for a Thorium Holiday” or “Come get your Radioactive tan in Quan-tan” now, do you?
Joe Bedul:  I think the last laugh will be from us. Once we have started the shipment of those ores....
Joe Labi:    Correction. We? You mean us Malaysians? Look, the ores are owned by the Australians. Neither does Malaysia own the ores nor do we mine them. Mount Weld is said to be the world's biggest concentration of Rare Earth ores. They ship them here to Malaysia just to wash and do laundry. And no, you can't export back the waste to them: you keep them here. In fact China was once the biggest producer of Rare Earth elements in the world, amounting to 97% of the world's supply, and they could do so due to one and one reason only: Lax in environmental laws. You think Rare Earth elements don't exist anywhere else in the world? Of course they do! But due to the stringent requirements of Radioactive handlings, no country up to date would be so much willing and be so kind as to give licenses to operate the refining machineries like we accord them here.
Joe Bedul: But the IAEA has stepped in. They have promised to take care of our environmental concerns by building in safety measures. Surely that's a consolation?
Joe Labi:    Errr... I am not sure, Joe. There are very disturbing rumours abound. Talks by internal engineers of substandard materials and methodologies used. Talks of cracks and air bubbles inside 70 of the concrete shells built for the containment tanks. Imagine: some of these radiation require lead walls to stop them and here we have concrete constructs that contain air pockets!
Joe Bedul: Molecular mutations, here we come!
Joe Labi:    They also tried to warn outsiders of how Lynas practice dire-straits philosophies in constructing external moisture barriers (thereby introducing moisture problems at a later stage). Cradotex, a subcontractor in charge of fitting fiberglass liners for them, absolutely refuse to even start working until and unless Lynas proves that they too are equally concerned about this. Another subcontractor from Holland, AkzoNobel whose coatings are to be used in this project, even refuse to perform certifications of their product for use unless and until Lynas gives them some kind of improved feel-safe guarantee.
Joe Bedul: I see now. What guarantee can one expect from a corner-cutting corporation whose primeval motive is profit, whose least concern is environmental safety and whose only allies are half-witted politicians, right?
Joe Labi:    Exactly. Then there are also talks of under-specification and sub-standard qualities used in critical processes. In the handling of corrosive fluids, for example, low-steel grades are opted instead of the more reliable stainless steel or ceramic and rubber liners, due to cost considerations. All these point out to one and only one suspicion: Lynas is hurriedly pushing the Malaysian agenda simply because they couldn't get away with the stricter Australian EPA regulation standards back home!
Joe Bedul: So where is all this fitting in the discussion we are presently having?
Joe Labi:    Well for one, Joe. The only people who seem to be voicing out their qualms and worries about the proposed environmentally dangerous plant are the opposition parties and the residents of the area upon which the refinery is to be built. So when the Pakatan people has made that kind of stand, it has now become a BN-against-Pakatan issue, rather than Safety-versus-Greed issue.
Joe Bedul: Ahh I see where you are going. And the people ... especially the ones not in the know ... has now jumped into supporting the for-Lynas thing just because the opposition takes the opposite stand? I see.
Joe Labi:    Correct, Joe. Now isn't that sad? Immature thinking, being too partisan, and making the enemy of my enemy as my friend has resulted in the rakyat, the people, to be on the real losing side.
Joe Bedul: Such is politics, Joe. What can we mere mortals do?
Joe Labi:   Yeah. What can we do. Anyway, have some more martabak, Joe....
[Exit:- from here onwards, the conversations turn to other topics including Kak Eton the sultry Janda and Joe Labi's recent prostate operations. We must take leave here and let the rest of the conversations be fodder for the imagination of the readers ...]



  1. Salam Joe Bedul.

    You are so intelligent to be a 'bedul'. So modest too. Keep on writing, Joe.

    Selamat Hari Raya, maaf ku pinta, doa ku pohon. Semoga sejahtera selalu bersama keluarga tercinta.

    Luv ya!

  2. Thank You Zaza. Selamat Hari Raya to you and family too. I will relay your wishes to both Joe Bedul and Joe Labi. Just that while I was busy composing the above, they were busy decomposing.


  3. ello Suman,

    Selamat Hari Raya..

    Today i just found your brother leman blog.. u didnt mention it in your post.. so i didnt know that u had a brother.. muahaha..

    btw, i will be waiting for your new post.. please hurry..


  4. Ello brader,

    Leman is my cousin, not my brother. I have two brothers, TheOstentatiouslyMeekBidinBaba and TheDemurelyCavalierUdinKulup and one sister, TheGulliblyGorgeousEtonGersang. Leman had wanted to marry Kak Eton initially but grandpa Pandak Ahmad advised against it. We didn't understand his reasonings but he said it had something to do with certain genetic organelles in the Deoxyrybonucleic acid of both of them having the same chirality and therefore potentially having offsprings which will be off their rockers. If you ask me, even without that, my cousin Leman is not exactly an epitome of rationality either, if you catch my drift.

    Leman is pining in his own way up till this day.