TheCorruptiouslyObnoxiousSumanSumbing's Contribution to Modern Political Thoughts, in the grain of Plato's Dialogues.

Friday, 30 December 2011

Ibrahim Ali goes to IJN while Kak Eton would like to meet Jesus

It's Christmas, and Patricia Veerappan, Kak Eton's next door neighbour and childhood friend, shows an interesting piece of news from Malaysiakini of a happening more than a year ago. It tells of Ibrahim Ali, Perkasa Henchman, being hospitalized in IJN. Now that in itself is not much of a news but the following letter from a reader in said portal probably qualifies as man-bites-dog:-
In it, a reader writes, "We should pray for his salvation. Either the Lord changes his heart and he will be a good Muslim and join PAS to fight for righteousness, or he meet Jesus in his ICU bed and become a devout Catholic and then fight for the rights of Christians to use ‘Allah'. Let's pray together."
Now Kak Eton the sultry Janda takes this opportunity to reveal her heartmost desire to Miss Veerappan, as the two of them converse on this point as laid out below:-

PV:-            Eh you know Kak Eton, a guy in Malaysiakini is praying that Ibrahim Ali meet Jesus while in ICU.
Kak Eton:   Hey that’s not fair! They should have done the same for me too! I mean pray that I meet Jesus as well.
PV:            You? Now why would you want to do that?
Kak Eton: Cos I sure as hell have a lot of questions to ask him whenever I have the opportunity to do so.
PV:            You have questions for Jesus? What kind of questions?
Kak Eton:  Well, mmm actually I had this perasan thing thinking myself to be very smart preparing this list of dumb-founding questions that I’d like to ask Jesus whenever I see him but then lo and behold! I was beaten to it by … God Himself.
PV:            How do you mean?
Kak Eton:  See now, God Himself in the Qur’an has a question  to ask Jesus in front of people on the Day of Judgment. And it so happens that THAT is the exact same question I had in mind. In fact so pertinent is the question that God just cannot wait for the day of judgement to ask it. He poses the Question right here and now in the Qur’an. In fact he revealed this Question to Muhammad 1400 years ago in Surah al-Maidah 116
PV:            And just what is that question?
Kak Eton:  Well, Allah asks:  “Did you yourself ask the people to worship you and your mom as God?”
PV:            Wow that’s a pretty damaging question ain’t it. I sure would like to know the answer now rather than wait till the day of judgement. We do take Jesus as part of the Holy Trinity to which is assigned Godhood, but yes. Come to think of it, it would be nice to know the Divine Origins of such labellling.
Kak Eton: Exactly. And we'd have to wait for the Day of Judgement to come before we really know the answer.
PV:            Well I don’t think we will have to wait for the day of judgement. Let’s ask some people around if they can provide a clue. I am sure lots of people can give you evidences and proofs. And certainly we can also ask the real experts.
Kak Eton: Now I wonder who the real experts are that we might ask from. Mufti Zainal Abidin? Nik Aziz? The Grand Mufti of Azhar? Ahmadinejad?
PV:            Noooooo! That would be stupid. That’s biased and prejudiced. That’s like asking Abe Hoffmann if it would be right to legalize Marijuana or asking George Bush who he thinks the real perpetrator of 9-11 is. Why don’t we be more … creative. Let’s go and ask the christians themselves. Not any Tom Chin, Dick Kuppusamy and Harry anak Punang kind of Christians. The real ulamaks. The scholars. The DD’s.
Kak Eton:  DD? Daredevils you mean?
PV:            No, dingo. Doctors of Divinities.

Kak Eton: Well you know what. I already did. I did some researches and looked around. Here’s what I found out. Even some of your top notch scholars from early on right till modern times disagree with according divinity to Jesus Christ. So in posing the Question that Allah asks, we may re-phrase it to make it more palatable:
                          “Is Jesus God? If he is, where does he say so? If he is not, then whence and from whom came the idea that he is?”. Simple and valid question, agreed?
                          Now let’s search for answers. Here's some of what I found:-
Dr. Robert Alley, University of Redmond:-  "....The (Biblical) passages where Jesus talks about the Son of God are later additions....Such a claim of deity for himself would not have been consistent with his entire lifestyle as we can reconstruct. For the first three decades after Jesus' death Christianity continued as a sect within Judaism. The first three decades of the existence of the church were within the synagogue. That would have been beyond belief if they (the followers) had boldly proclaimed the deity of Jesus."
Cardinal Walter Kasper: “Jesus, he says, never advanced such "claims," and at Caesarea Philippi, Peter merely confessed, "You are the Messiah," and Jesus also proclaimed this before the Sanhedrin. But when the first Christian community confessed that Jesus is the Son of God, it did not in fact mean that Jesus really is the Son of God, but only wished "to express the idea that God manifests and communicates Himself in an absolute and definite way in the story of Jesus." End of story. In fact, the first Christian community did not intend "to acknowledge a dignity for him that would further his claims." Naturally, it was St. Paul's and St. John's habit to further Jesus' "claims."8
Paul Wierwille: Jesus never was a God
Father Peter Dresser Australia : "No human being can ever be God, and Jesus was a human being"

                          Even America's founding fathers had doubts. John Adams mentioned: "The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity." --John Adams

PV:            My, all these are new to me. Are there any more examples?
Kak Eton:  Wait, there are more, in the form of articles, papers and books. For example,
Heinz Zahrnt says in his book "The Church put words into the mouth of Jesus which he never spoke and attributed actions to him which he never performed."

Rudolph Augustein in his book  Jesus the Son of Man -  "most of what the church says about Jesus is baseless

                          Also in "Christianity and Mythology" (John Mackinnon Robertson),  "The Bible Myths and their Parallels in Other Religions" (T.W Doane) the central idea seems to be that according divinity to jesus is just wrong. Read also "The Myth of God Incarnate" which was written by seven theologian scholars in England in 1977 and edited by John Hick. Their conclusion in this matter is that Jesus was "a man approved by God, for a special role within the divine purpose, and..... the later conception of him as God incarnate ... is a mythological or poetic way of expressing his significance for us."
PV:            Ok ok I think I have enough of all this. Let us stop here and go to town and catch us a bite or two of whatever it is that we can catch.

Kak Eton has more cunning and surprising remarks up her sleeve as far as religion is concerned and we hope to tell more about her intellectual adventures in the future. As of now, let us leave these two lasses alone to do their Christmas shopping...

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

A Reporter chases Najib Tun Razak upon his return from Hajj

Reporter:    Dato’ Seri, you have been to Umrah and Hajj quite a number of times. In fact, you are the Prime Minister with the most number of Hajj/Umrah trips within his entire duration of premiership. What gives?
NTR:             Are you kidding me? Hajj is the most enjoyable trip a muslim can make and besides, Mekkah is the place where you can ask from God your hearts’ desires and they will be granted.
Reporter:    If you were to ask from God in front of the Kaaba right now, and it would be granted, what would you have asked. I mean, in fact what did you ask?
NTR:             In one word: Erections! I mean, Elections! I would ask that God favour us all with a big win in the upcoming 13th General Elections.
Reporter:    That’s it? I mean, no saving from hellfire, no entry into paradise, no guidance on the straight path bla bla bla, the usual supplications?
NTR:             Well, AFTER all those, you nitwit. Of course we want all those and THEN the win-the-election thing.

Reporter:    Dato’ Seri, they say there are certain spots and certain times during the Hajj season that one’s prayers are answered. Care to share with us what were your personal prayers then?
NTR:             Well if I told you it would then cease to be personal, wouldn’t it now?
Reporter:    Yes I know but surely you’d still be asking God then, for party strengthening, winnable candidates, strong election outcomes etc, wouldn’t you?
NTR:             Are you out of your mind? I have ONE chance to tell God of my deepest, darkest personal desires and you want me to waste it on THOSE? Piiiigidah!!
Reporter:    Dato' Seri, word has it that somehow, at some point you got lost on your way back to your hotel amidst the millions of pilgrims in Mekkah. Is that true?
NTR:             Oh, it's nothing, really. Just some misscoms, that's all. After my 7th circumambulation around the Kaaba, I somehow got disoriented. I got to Marwa at the end but we started in Safa, you see. I got further and further the more we walked. The guards were nowhere to be seen, and suddenly things got accumulated in complexity. Rosmah and me kept on walking and walking till we couldn't recognize the place anymore: everything looked the saaame everywhere. Nobody spoke English there, and we couldn't speak arabic and we were like a few kilometers away from our hotel, it seemed.
Reporter:    Then what happened? How did you get back?
NTR:             Oh it's easy. I just grabbed the nearest arab guy I could find, and told him, "Ana adDhallin. Ihdinas Siratul Mustaqim." And he guided us RIGHT back to our hotel doorstep, Thank God.
Reporter:    Oh My! That surely is the most fantastic story I have ever heard, and the most resourceful plan-B emergency effort there ever is.
NTR:             Of course! And you thought our National Economic policies were all based on my London Economics educations?
Reporter:    Dato' Seri, now that in you are in this love-for-all-mankind mode, are there any wishes you'd like to make in this festive Hajj season?
NTR:             Yes I do. I wish all my political opponents were with me in Mekkah. Let us all make amends in front of God, and let bygones be bygones. It would have been nice if Nik Aziz was there. Then I REALLY could ask God whether God REALLY did that mencarut thing or not.
Reporter:    Surely you're joking, Dato' Seri.
NTR:             No, I am serious. And Anwar Ibrahim too. I really wish that he was there with me performing the tawaf. Or anywhere: Arafat, Mina, Muzdalifah. Unless, of course, there is a verrrrrry strong reason why it would not be safe for him to come to God's house, a place for retributions and redemptions. But hey! that coffeemaker fellow---whatshisname---Sepol or Epol or something. Well, HE was here couple of years back, I think.
Reporter:    Yes he was. Are there other people you would like to be there with you, Dato' Seri?
NTR:             Yes. The opposition wild card runner boys. The Raja Petras. The Din Mericans. The Harris Ibrahims. In fact, you know who I would REALLY wish to be there in Mekkah with me?
Reporter:    Who, Dato' Seri?
NTR:             Karpal Singh. Lim Kit Siang. Lim Guan Eng. The Ngeh-Nga cousin pairs. The indian DAPS with comic-hero sounding names. The unmarried ladies of DAP and PKR. All these.
Reporter:    B..b..but Dato' Seri, these are all non-muslims. The Haram precincts are all forbidden to them. No sooner would they enter the forbidden zones than the Earth would open up and swallow them---the whole lot of them.
NTR:             Shhhh!!! Hey! Are you putting words into my mouth? I didn't say those, okay. You asked me who I would like to be here and I answered. Their safety and destiny thereat, is not my responsibility.

Reporter:    Dato' Seri, what is this I hear about you not having completed the Hajj rituals and yet you declared you did?
NTR:             Yes I realize that some pundits, especially the ones who have never even gotten there themselves, are all waiting for the opportunity to pound on me on anything that I do. But that's ok. I leave it to God to deal with those slanderers or  badmouthers. But as far as I am concerned, I have completed the Hajj rituals, yes.
Reporter:    How so, Dato' Seri?
NTR:             Well it's like this. There are a set of rituals that are called Arkan or Rukun. If you miss any of them, then your Hajj is considered Null and Void. They are the Niat (intention), the Wuquf in Arafah, he Tawaf around Kaaba, the Saie or strolling along Safa-Marwa and the cutting of the hair.
Reporter:    And you did all of these?
NTR:             Yes I completed all the Rukun. And then there are the Compulsories (Wajibs). These are the Ihram in Miqat, Stoning the Jamrah, being in Muzdalifah, nights in Mina, and the Goodbye Tawaf.  Leaving these would still make your Hajj valid, but you will be sinful, unless you pay the daam for each of them. And due to my busy schedule as head of state, I could not find the time to perform all the Wajibs, so I did them partially, paid the daam, shortened my trip and proceeded to go meeting elsewhere with some other head of states.
Reporter:    So in fact technically you REALLY did complete the Hajj?
NTR:             Of course I did.
Reporter:    Oh I see, Dato' Seri. You really clarify some things here. But I am sure there are people who would be too happy to continue to believe otherwise, especially if that could score some political mileage for them. Well anyway thank you very much for allotting us some time for this interview.
NTR:             Thank You and God Bless you.

                      At this point in time, the interview ended but NTR was kind enough to share with the reporter some Korma Madinah but with cashew nuts in place of the pit seeds, together with with some Air Zam Zam that his grandmother said have some magical powers that could, among other things, cure bisul and some other boils.

Saturday, 1 October 2011

The Queen Grants an Audience with Najib

Continuing on his whirlwind tour after the succesful meeting with the Pope, Najib meets The Queen in Buckingham Palace where the former complains of failing memory, family feuds, exciting new family members, local politics and lastly her likes and dislikes on Bollywood.  

NTR:        Good Morning, your Highness. I hope you are well and in the midst of your top-notch octo-degeneric... I mean in the best of your health.
Queen:   Oh, so so, I guess. My my. You’ve grown quite a bit, haven’t you, Jibby boy.  And look at that chubby cheek! When was the last time I saw you? Oh that must be a while back---right around the time when British Airways was still 50 pence a share, wasn’t it?
NTR:        That would be about right, Your Highness. I am so glad you are in top form. I just came in to reminisce on old times, and to really see how you’re getting on.
Queen:   Oh on the inside I am not really that well, Jibby boy. The royal bones are already rattling, you know. And I keep forgetting that I, after all these while, am no longer Emperor Queen of half the world under my colonial auspices. But ah… such is life, Jibby boy. You will realize that soon enough.
NTR:        Oh you worry too much, M’Lady. After all, look at the people surrounding you. They LOVE you.

Queen:   You think so? Well I hope so too. For example, recently that newly-begotten daughter-in-law of mine Diana, now she …
NTR:        Err… Your Highness, you really mean Kate Middleton, your GRANDdaughter in-law, don’t you?
Queen:    Yes. Kate! Kate. Ah what was I thinking? See what I told you, Jibby boy? The memory is failing and if it hadn’t for these Alzheimer pills… Well anyway this Kate Littleton or whatever that broad’s name is. Now SHE’s a babe, isn’t she Jibby? And my naughty Prince Harry just couldn’t get enough of her.
NTR:         You mean Prince William?               
Queen:    Willy, Harry, Charlie … they all look the same to me nowadays, you know. Hey tell me. How’s Rahman doing?
NTR:         Rahman, ma’am?
Queen:    Well your Prime Minister, for chrissake. The one who grappled your independence away from us.
NTR:         Oh you mean Tunku Abdul Rahman. Well, your Highness, I am afraid the Tunku is no longer with us. I am the Prime Minister now.
Queen:    What? Rahman Dead? Oh dear me. Has it been that long? And he still owed me 3 pounds 75 pence. Ah well, it doesn’t matter now. I remember I had this one hecka Prime Minister once. Can’t remember his name …Clair Bitch or Blair Witch or something. Well now HE was a good one, you see. Can you imagine? Equipped with some cooked-up dossiers, he managed to perform a genocide or two in the Middle East. Speaking of which … is it true you are practising genocide in Malaysia, Jibby boy?
NTR:         Genocide, ma’am?
Queen:    Well the Indians! The Hindraf group or something. I’ve got this legal suit letter, you see. Suing us for a trillion pound stirling. They claim that since the British brought them to Malaysia to work as coolies, snatching them from their comfortable living conditions in India, they have sued us for that amount of money due to what they are facing now.

NTR:         And they are facing genocide, did you say, ma’am? Well I don't know about that. I do know however that we the malays trail far, far behind the chinese and Indians in terms of wealth. One of the top billionaires is an Indian. And many more. Tony Fernandez is an Indian, the one who spearheads Air Asia.
Queen:    Air Asia led by Tony? I thought Richard Bran---well I guess I have my figures wrong then. But I really like that Air Asia thing, you know. But their cabin curry-puffs are a bit too spicy, don't you think? Tell me, do they have Christmas specials for Cayman Islands? I mean, like real dirt cheap special?
NTR:        Bbb....ut you are the QUEEN, ma'am. Why would you need some dirt cheap budget air tickets for?
Queen:   Hey! It's always good to pinch and save you know? Didn't your parents teach you that? After all it's not like I own the world anymore, or any of your tin mines or rubber plantations, if you catch my drift (nudge nudge, nudge). Anyway, well now what to do with that Indians, now that they are suing me. Can't you like ... ship them back or something?

NTR:        Oh we don't do that, ma'am. They are our dear and loyal citizens now. They are quite crucial for our nation-building. Besides, I don't think the situation there in India is any much better than what we have in Malaysia, you see. You know, with the caste system and all.
Queen:   Oh yes I know. Terrible isn't it. I still remember when I was a kid, all those great statesmen and giants from India: Nehru, Gandhi, Jinnah and all those people. Put our lawyers back then quite some task. Even in recent years they have produced some of the world's greatest people, still fighting for (or against) the caste system, I don't know which. Indira and Rajiv Gandhi. That Anand world champion chess player. Some Nobel prize scientists. But you can never guess who my favourite all-time Indian is.
NTR:        Rabindranath Tagore? Mother Theresa?
Queen:   Nope. It's Sivaji!
NTR:        Pardon ma'am?
Queen:   Sivaji, the boss! Why, haven't you heard of him?
NTR:        I must have, Your highness. I am not that really keen on Indian films, you see. Unlike the missus here. She's into Shah Rukh Khan.
Queen:   Uhhhh... I tell you. Shah Rukh Khan PALES in comparison with Sivaji. I mean, to tell you truth, I think he is better than Jean Claude van Damme, Terminator, Conan the Barbarian and Sherlock Holmes put together!
NTR:        Err, pardon me ma'am. But what is it again now, that you find Sivaji to be ... errr great?
Queen:   Well for one, he could defeat an army of thugs with little more than a pencil, fly and float over sky, sea and sand to get to his enemies, survive machine bullets and rocket-propelled grandes aimed at him, woo the most beautiful Tamil girls the Southern part of India has ever produced with both guitar and saxophone all at once, and still manage to croon a tune or two between three mountains, while changing into seven wardrobes. I mean, even Sean Connery is nowhere HALF of what that Sivaji could do!

NTR:        Err... I guess not, ma'am.

Queen:   Waaa.... I really enjoy that Sivaji fellow. I think someone's up to be knighted pretty soooooonnn... yeay yeay. Anyway, do you have anybody in your country who has that calibre, Jibby boy?
NTR:        Err we do Your Highness. In fact I think our man does one better: apart from acting, singing and joget lambak, he is also a politician and a darn good quick-change artiste. But let's not get into that, your highness. I DO have one nagging question that I meant to ask you, your highness, ever since I stepped in this morning.
Queen:   Well what is it?
NTR:        Why are you wearing yellow, ma'am? And why are you wearing a Bersih T-shirt? Are you mocking me and trying to tell me something?
Queen:   You're goddamn right I am. What is all this Freedom of Speech that you are trying to muffle in your country? Are you a democracy or what? And why are you so gung ho on stiffling dissent? Why do your police beat up the protesters, and why are THEY on the other hand behaving like a 3rd generation senoi, burning all those shop lots and all?
NTR:        Shop lots ma'am? I don't .... hey we don't do that. Surely you are just alleging without any proofs?
Queen:   Proofs? You want Proofs? I'll give you proofs. Cameron! Where's that pic we saw yesterday? Ah here it is.... look at this. How terrible! Are your police force this brutal?
NTR:        Err... ma'am ... that's a pic taken in Brixton.
Queen:   What? Shoot my dang! This Cameron is of no good breed. They say if you want things right you gotta have to do things yourself. Ok here then. This one. See how terrible things are in your country?
NTR:        Ma'am: that's a Vauxhall shop burning there. And no, we are not that brutal, though if we had to be just a tad bit more brutal than how our police force are behaving now compared to yours, we could probably achieve half of the dignity you are enjoying now.
Queen:   Ahhh... it's ok. Where are those pictures when you need one?
NTR:        But I do have one of my own here, ma'am. Here it is.
Queen:   What's this? The police are trying to poison the people?
NTR:        Not really ma'am They just thought that well, after all that shouting and protesting, if they would ever at all be hungry, well they could just land in for some briyani gam or something.
Queen:  My my, what a queer lot you are. But anyway, whatever you do, Don't ever, never ever replete that ISA laws that we installed for you. It works wonders, I tell you.

NTR:        Ma'am: that's what I am going to do exactly when I come back. And besides, with the communists gone I do not see any need for it at all, except,...uh ...perhaps we just might, on one little baby-faced fatso we have back home who's trying to magnify the communists. But ah, well...I think I have taken too much of your time. Won't you visit us in Malaysia just before you die or something. I mean when was the last time you came?
Queen:  It was during the Commonwealth Games. Waaa I really enjoyed it. Except then I wasn't looking forward to the games, you see. I was more into ... meeting with your old friend Anwar Ibrahim. Was just about to pay him a visit when they locked him up to be jailed for sodomizing or something. Well anyway, it's not that I am into faggots. But the creep deserved some hearing. Ok then anyway Best of Luck to  you and your people. And tell that Hidraf fellows: I will gladly give them their trillion pound or whatever if tehy could trade any Sivaji paraphernalia that they could find me ...

                 At this point the conversation breaks off due to some commotion outside. There were some Malaysian mob shouting if the Queen could get some kind of "Off with his head" thing with NTR. The Buckingham Palace guards showered them with some Water Jet laced with British pee. They all then bersurai ...

copyright TheCorruptiouslyObnoxiousSumanSumbing 2011

Saturday, 3 September 2011

Kak Eton Takes a Quiz.

Kak Eton, the sultry Janda from Kampung Pinang Sebatang, hears that a certain church in the city, in their infinite kindness of heart (with nary a hidden agenda in mind, mind you! And Amy Winehouse was a virgin too) gives out money ... lots of them... to certain selected jandas and ibu tunggals from the malay-muslim population in Malaysia. (Mention of Kak Eton firstly appeared in our previous posting about both Joe Bedul's and Joe Labi's luscious conversation concerning her, after their brief hiatus on the De-Evolutionary discussions therein). All the jandas need to do, of course, were to just come over to the church, sing some few songs, praise the Lord, fill in some forms, drink in some queer-looking water and, finally, take a quiz. Now it so happens that Kak Eton is a quiz freak. She likes taking them, and is always on the lookout for challenging things like this. But this one turns out to be different. She answered most of them, and, upon checking back at home for the true answers, she found out that each and every single answer she gave was wrong!

Let's have a look at the church quiz and Kak Eton's answers:-

Quiz 1. The following is the description of a certain personality of old. Please guess what the name of this personality is:-
·       He is “God made flesh”, the saviour and "Son of God."
·       He has God as his father and a mortal Virgin as his mother.
·       He was born in a humble cowshed on December 25 before three Shepherds.
·       He offers his followers the chance to be born again through the rites of baptism by water.
·       He miraculously turns water into wine at a marriage ceremony.
·       He rides triumphantly into town on a donkey while people wave palm leaves to honor him.
·       He dies at Eastertime as a sacrifice for the sins of the world.
·       After his death he descends to hell, then on the third day he rises from the dead and ascends to heaven in glory.
·       His followers await his return as the judge during the Last Days.
·       His death and resurrection are celebrated by a ritual meal of bread and wine, which symbolizes his body and blood.
Kak Eton ddid not answer this one at all. She had suspected that the quizmakers had wanted her to answer "Jesus" but upon doing more research,  particularly the book by Timothy Freke and Peter Gandy (google!) The true answer is “Dionysius”.  She also read therein from where the false notions of Trinity, Sonhood, and other zany dogmas as admonished by the Qur’an, originated from!

Quiz 2. Which of the following personalities are said to have been crucified on the cross?
A.     Ixion
B.     Quetzlcoatl
C.     Jesus
D.     Krishna
E.     All of the above
To appease the quizmasters, she had planned to answer "C" but apparently the correct answer is E, all of the above!

Quiz 3. Josephus was a well-known historian during the time of Jesus Christ, and people often quote him to prove that Jesus was a historical figure. Who was Jesus according to Josephus?...
A.     A high priest whose father’s name was Damneus.
B.     Son of Saphat, head of a band of thieves
C.     Son of Sapphias, Governor of Tiberius
D.     Son of Thabet, a priest wannabe
E.     Son of a guy called Josedek
F.     Son of a guy called Gamala
G.     Son of Threbutus the priest
H.     Son of Gamaliel, a priest
I.      Son of Ananus, a priest
J.      A Priest after Ananus
K.     Son of Mary
Kak Eton quickly chose "K" for this one. But in fact, the correct answer is: All of the above except K! Kak Eton finds out that the Jesus Son of Mary quote by Josephus was inserted somewhere during the Middle Ages and was not present there before. This lead Kak Eton to conclude that that Jesus was a persona-non-grata, else Josephus would have mentioned him.

Quiz 4. Before his ministry, Jesus was a ...
A.     Farmer
B.     Systems Analyst
C.     3rd downline Multi-Level Marketing Afficionado
D.     Carpenter
E.     Stone Builder
Kak Eton confidently answered Carpenter, whereas the correct answer is E: Stonebuilder. The original “Naggara” means “Master Builder” or “Stone Mason”, and through numerous transliterations and revisions later, things just got lost in translation and they thus ended up with a most divine woodworker. Kak Eton wonders suspiciously what else could be mistakenly translated: If one could change on one’s job description, what’s so difficult for other people to confer some Godhood to you?

Quiz 5. God's house of worship is for God's children, and whomsoever wishes can enter it to pray to God. However, the following person (s) are NOT allowed to enter the House of God, according to the Judeo-Christian beliefs:-
A.     A flat-nosed and /or handicapped person
B.     A man whose testicles had been damaged  and penis had been cut off
C.     One whose Mom and Dad didn't get married when he was born
D.     One whose grandfather, or grandfathers up to 10 generations, didn't get married
E.     A Serial Killer
Kak Eton finds this question ridiculously easy and puts E as the answer. But upon study, she finds that the answer is All of the Above EXCEPT E! Well, it says so in the bible!

Quiz 6. It says in the bible that Solomon built a relatively small chapel for the Israelites. Now the Statue of Liberty, which is 7 times higher than this temple, needed 212 men built. The Hoover Dam, 14 times longer than this temple, required about 16,000 people to build and Taj Mahal which is 20 times wider  than this temple, utilised 22,000 people. How many people were required to build Solomon's temple?
A.     1
B.     15
C.     150
D.     15,000
E.     150,000
If it were up to Kak Eton, she would just get Pak Mat the retired mandore, fire up 20 to 30 Indonesian workers in between jobs with some 5 ringgit per hour kerja kontrek and unlimited supply of Gudang Garam and within less than two months could get some structure up and running. So she got generous and put "C" for this one. The real answer is E.

Quiz 7. What are the marks of a good Christian?
A.     If someone hits you, invite him to do it again
B.     If someone steals from you, offer him something additional
C.     If someone wants to borrow from you, do not turn him down
D.     When you loan something out, do not ask for it back
E.     All of the above
Kak Eton had some trouble on this one, so she left it blank and found out later that the answer is E: all of the above. The bible says so.

Quiz 8. Joharam was a biblical king who ruled for 8 years beginning when he was 32 and died at the age of 40. Immediately after this, his youngest son Ahaziah took over the mantle of Kingship. How old is Ahaziah when he became king?
A.     2
B.     12
C.     22
D.     32
E.     42
How dumb can a question get, Kak Eton thought. And starting from the process of elimination, she striked out E. And then, logically, D. She striked out A and B as insensible, and chose C as the answer, only to be jolted out of her sanity when the bible tells that the answer is E. This makes Ahaziah the only person in the entire Universe who is 2 years older than his father!

Quiz 9. Did Apostle Paul perform any baptism?
A.     Absolutely Not! He said so himself
B.     Nobody except Crispus and Gaius
C.     Stephanus and his entire family
D.     Paul is not quite sure
E.     Paul really can't remember
Kak Eton loses interest by the time she gets to this one, but answered A anyway, cos it sounded convincing. The correct answer turns out to be: All of them!

Quiz 10. Elisha was a biblical man of God, but a little bit balding. Once, when he was walking along a road in Bethel, a few cheeky boys made fun of his balding head. As a result of this,
A.     Elisha commanded their parents to stop their week's ration of candies.
B.     The boys were spanked and made to promise to respect old people
C.     They were made to write "I must not mock bald people ever again" 100 times on a stone tablet
D.     They had stay vigil at night for 3 days in the temple
E.     They were punished by God sending 2 bears come out of the woods and tore up all 42 of the boys.
Kak Eton would have chosen "B" if Balqis, her daughter, were to do the same. She chose "D" for her answer, only to find out that the bible says it was "E". That's the Loving God of the christians there for you.