TheCorruptiouslyObnoxiousSumanSumbing's Contribution to Modern Political Thoughts, in the grain of Plato's Dialogues.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

The Evolution and De-evolution of Malay Politics: Lament of the two Joes.

Wherein Joe Bedul meets his old time friend Joe Labi for teh tarik in "Sikander Maju Nasi Kandar" and discusses over a wide variety of subjects ranging from love, life, the recent bonus announcements, gossips about Kak Eton, the kampung's sultriest janda and, ultimately, the current state of politics in Malaysia. Joe Bedul bemoans the dwindling strength of malay politics while Joe Labi becomes an instantaneous Nuclear Radiation expert.

       Joe Bedul shot into prominence in the Malaysian Political Scenario whence, upon being shown the raunchy video clip of a certain politician doing some acrobatic somersaults onto a China Doll and enjoying the show, made a public U-turn and denies vehemently that that person in said video is actually said politician. This leaves the picture of the man in the "Evolution" photomontage above a mystery figure: who could it be seeing cleaning his exhaust pipe (in tahyat-akhir pose) after use there? Rewards to the value of a Rolls Royce have been offered to those who can find a look-alike, if not the actual person, of the actor in the video.
       Anyway here is a picture of Joe Bedul. Isn't he handsome? Friends tell me that Joe Bedul bears an uncanny resemblance to a famous dead actor who was both a singer, songwriter, director, musician, actor, producer and others as well but I say this: Hogwash! Joe Bedul is far, far more handsome and far, far more talented than said actor. 
      Joe Labi, on the other hand, strives to establish his own identity instead of famously known as just being a Robin to the Joe Bedul Batman figure. He cooks and cleans for a wealthy widower but as of late has taken an interest in alpha radiation emissions coming out of Thorium-90 and other radiative by-products of Rare Earth Elements refinings. Here's the picture of both Joes taken in their most recent teh-tarik politicking session

Joe Bedul: You know something interesting I found out Joe?
Joe Labi:     What's that, Brader?
Joe Bedul: If you come to think of it, while almost all dynamical systems within our self-consistent Anthropic universe undergo some kind of evolution much in tune with the Second Law of Thermodynamics, it is unfortunate, albeit interesting to note that the Malay political thought processes are undergoing de-evolutionary phases: that from entropical order to disorder.
Joe Labi:   How do you mean, Joe?
Joe Bedul: Well firstly, this de-evolutionary process that I am talking about rides on that nasty but time-proven political adage: "THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS MY FRIEND". So for example in Malaysia, whatever the issue, politicans side not on the very merit or the sanctity of the issue itself, but rather on who is involved supporting what issue. Thereafter, political stands are made based on who is supporting what.
Joe Labi:    I am afraid you are going in circles, Joe. Why don't you illustrate what you mean by simple examples.
Joe Bedul: And that I shall presently do, Joe. For example, look at the recent DUMC spat. It is clear that there are certain proselytization efforts made by some christian factions locally. Now some christians from their community (some, not all) are DAP-backed, DAP-incited and DAP-fanned. Now in this very important issue involving faiths and blasphemies, who is Malaysia's foremost Islamic party, Islamic voice?
Joe Labi:   Why, PAS of course. They have been championing Islam from Time immemorial.
Joe Bedul: Correct. And one would think that they would be in the forefront in championing this issue and battling the proselytizing efforts of the christians. But instead what do we have? They are the ones who seem to support the DUMC
Joe Labi:   Cor Blimey. And why is that?
Joe Bedul: Because DAP is their friend in Pakatan Rakyat, and the issue is championed by UMNO. So naturally they find themselves more comfortable in befriending "the enemy of my enemy" than in defending the sanctity of their religion.
Joe Labi:    Waaa..! I never thought of that before. Ahhhh but surely, Joe, this is an isolated case, upon which you cannot generalize?
Joe Bedul: Wrong Joe. Time and again PAS have proven that they are practising this most staunchly. Care if I give another example?
Joe Labi:    By all means!

Joe Bedul: Ok consider the recent case of Ramadhan rulings. The Kedah State PAS government had wanted to curb lewd and suspicious nightclub and karaoke activities especially during the holy month of Ramadhan. I say curb, not ban. All malay muslims naturally support this, including, unfortunately, UMNO.  Now the chinese-backed DAP raises hues and cries, and stresses that it's against the spirit of Pakatan to do such a thing.
Joe Labi:   Yes, and so?
Joe Bedul: Well, some in UMNO came forward to support the move. And seeing now that the issue has become partisan, PAS finds it necessary to side with DAP, snub UMNO in the face, and in the process, snub Islam as well. All for the sake of the enemy of my enemy.
Joe Labi:   Holy Murni Haji Bakhil! Did this really happen?
Joe Bedul: It sure did. And of course you still remember the rumah-urut fiasco in Selangor. Or the Take-beer kilang there. Nuclei for profanity and iniquity like these should be natural fodder for PAS to demolish. But since the issue was DAP-originated and UMNO-opposed, PAS then decides to side on the issue of their political friend rather than to uphold the laws of God as Islam warrants.
Joe Labi:   This is really a sad state of affair, Joe. I know I kinda suspect that kind of thing when PAS seemed so gung-ho in siding with the guilty party in the Sex-video case. And even they'd rather omit the Negara-Islam principle in an effort to appease UMNO's foes or snub them. Are there any more examples of this to the best of your knowledge?
Joe Bedul: Oh plenty, Joe. Too plenty. There is the Allah's name case. But this is too glaring and ridiculous that PAS just decided to keep quiet about it, rather than state their viewpoints, which is that similar to the government. And in this case you have one lone voice, Khalid Samad who tried to appease the christians. And even then  rumor has it that is because he had, like, sipped some kind of holy water or something while on his church-appeasing rounds.
Joe Labi:   Haha you know, I don't believe in such nonsense, Joe. Changing faiths just because you drink holy water? There is no such thing as faith-changing water, holy or otherwise. If there are, then christians should just use it to shortcut on their proselytizing efforts: just dump a few gallons on Sungai Langat and everyone drinking from it from the treatment plants will all suddenly become Catholics. This is the most absurd myth I have ever heard. In fact, gimme a gallon of that water I will down it myself. How can something orginating from falsehood affect someone who has the truth?
Joe Bedul: And there is your answer, Joe. Who likes falsehood? Isn't it the devil himself? If he could tempt Job, kill his cattle, raze his crop and kill his children, what's so different about putting in some power in some H20 molecular configurations?
Joe Labi:  Ishh... you are speaking more like a kampong idiot rather than a scientist, Joe. Anyway talking about science, it has triggered in me something. I now remember a case whereby this "Enemy of my Enemy" thing of yours is clearly is illustrated in a recent scientific-works issue currently in the rounds at home. But in this case, it works for the UMNO-led government.
Joe Bedul: Elucidate, Joe!
Joe Labi:  Well recently, the State of UMNO-led Pahang is about to give license to Lynas, an Australian corporation, to bring in some radioactive ores from Australia, wash them here, get the pure Rare Earths to be sold, and leave the harmful and radioactive trailings behind for us to keep.
Joe Bedul:  Do we Malaysians own the ores?
Joe Labi:    No.  They’re owned by the Australians. They mine them there, ship, clean and process them here, sell them and they get the money. We only own the radioactive waste by-products to be buried in our soils.
Joe Bedul: And why don‘t they clean and refine the ores in Australia itself? After all, the country is 60 times bigger than Malaysia. Or whatever.
Joe Labi:  Because they have more stringent laws. The fact that Malaysia’s lax in Environmental regulations is one of our country’s pride, you know.
Joe Bedul: But from what I read, isn't the Rare Earth thing a billion dollar industry? Surely if we can tax the bejesus out of these people, there’s a sizeable income for our nation?
Joe Labi:    Nope. They’re given a 12-year tax break. The Australians are so thankful that they can pollute our lands in this matter and don’t have to pay anything for doing so.
Joe Bedul: Ah perhaps the amount of jobs that can be created by the refinery would amount to something?
Joe Labi:    Yes. Amount to about only 350 jobs in the factory. Even then, the knowledge-based, intellectually-intensive workers will be brought in from Australia. Hey! We are talking about high-tech chemical bleaching of beta and gamma-emitting entities here. But yes, the factory DO need a few truck drivers, despatch boys and security guards. How’s THAT for nation building?
Joe Bedul:  But look! The Infrastructure jobs alone can reap in benefits for our local contractors ...
Joe Labi:    Sorry. But the Australians have awarded the job of building the refinery complex, a 700 million dollar job, to the Thais. It's like the Ozzies are saying, "you mean you guys actually believe you can build refineries?"
Joe Bedul: Surely it can’t be that bad. Look on the bright side. On the long term, Malaysia is still a beautiful country, a favourite spot for tourists and on top of that becoming a provider for a valuable commodity used and heavily demanded in industries. Isn’t this the way to become a fully developed  nation by 2020?
Joe Labi:    Of course it is! And the Australians are right behind you! And don’t you listen to them detractors that warn of Kuantan fast becoming the Radioactive Capital of the world instead of your “Sun and Sea that Nature was meant to be”. After all you don’t want people to be scared of the motto “Welcome to Gebeng for a Thorium Holiday” or “Come get your Radioactive tan in Quan-tan” now, do you?
Joe Bedul:  I think the last laugh will be from us. Once we have started the shipment of those ores....
Joe Labi:    Correction. We? You mean us Malaysians? Look, the ores are owned by the Australians. Neither does Malaysia own the ores nor do we mine them. Mount Weld is said to be the world's biggest concentration of Rare Earth ores. They ship them here to Malaysia just to wash and do laundry. And no, you can't export back the waste to them: you keep them here. In fact China was once the biggest producer of Rare Earth elements in the world, amounting to 97% of the world's supply, and they could do so due to one and one reason only: Lax in environmental laws. You think Rare Earth elements don't exist anywhere else in the world? Of course they do! But due to the stringent requirements of Radioactive handlings, no country up to date would be so much willing and be so kind as to give licenses to operate the refining machineries like we accord them here.
Joe Bedul: But the IAEA has stepped in. They have promised to take care of our environmental concerns by building in safety measures. Surely that's a consolation?
Joe Labi:    Errr... I am not sure, Joe. There are very disturbing rumours abound. Talks by internal engineers of substandard materials and methodologies used. Talks of cracks and air bubbles inside 70 of the concrete shells built for the containment tanks. Imagine: some of these radiation require lead walls to stop them and here we have concrete constructs that contain air pockets!
Joe Bedul: Molecular mutations, here we come!
Joe Labi:    They also tried to warn outsiders of how Lynas practice dire-straits philosophies in constructing external moisture barriers (thereby introducing moisture problems at a later stage). Cradotex, a subcontractor in charge of fitting fiberglass liners for them, absolutely refuse to even start working until and unless Lynas proves that they too are equally concerned about this. Another subcontractor from Holland, AkzoNobel whose coatings are to be used in this project, even refuse to perform certifications of their product for use unless and until Lynas gives them some kind of improved feel-safe guarantee.
Joe Bedul: I see now. What guarantee can one expect from a corner-cutting corporation whose primeval motive is profit, whose least concern is environmental safety and whose only allies are half-witted politicians, right?
Joe Labi:    Exactly. Then there are also talks of under-specification and sub-standard qualities used in critical processes. In the handling of corrosive fluids, for example, low-steel grades are opted instead of the more reliable stainless steel or ceramic and rubber liners, due to cost considerations. All these point out to one and only one suspicion: Lynas is hurriedly pushing the Malaysian agenda simply because they couldn't get away with the stricter Australian EPA regulation standards back home!
Joe Bedul: So where is all this fitting in the discussion we are presently having?
Joe Labi:    Well for one, Joe. The only people who seem to be voicing out their qualms and worries about the proposed environmentally dangerous plant are the opposition parties and the residents of the area upon which the refinery is to be built. So when the Pakatan people has made that kind of stand, it has now become a BN-against-Pakatan issue, rather than Safety-versus-Greed issue.
Joe Bedul: Ahh I see where you are going. And the people ... especially the ones not in the know ... has now jumped into supporting the for-Lynas thing just because the opposition takes the opposite stand? I see.
Joe Labi:    Correct, Joe. Now isn't that sad? Immature thinking, being too partisan, and making the enemy of my enemy as my friend has resulted in the rakyat, the people, to be on the real losing side.
Joe Bedul: Such is politics, Joe. What can we mere mortals do?
Joe Labi:   Yeah. What can we do. Anyway, have some more martabak, Joe....
[Exit:- from here onwards, the conversations turn to other topics including Kak Eton the sultry Janda and Joe Labi's recent prostate operations. We must take leave here and let the rest of the conversations be fodder for the imagination of the readers ...]


Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Najib Meets the Pope

The Pope enjoys a visit from Najib, offers him some 
Cassatta Siciliana with Tea and discusses with him 
issues pertaining to certain happenings in Malaysia.

NTR:         Good Evening, your highness, your excellency

Pope:       Holiness. Holiness. Your Highness, Your Excellency are for ordinary people from Bush till Mugabe. I am God's representative on earth, understand? Now what can I do for you.

NTR:         Well Thank you your high... I mean holiness. We in Malaysia ...

Pope:       Now before that lemme see....(Cardinal Bong, where's that letter from some Malaysians we received recently?) Ah here it is. See here, Mr Najib. I received this letter yesterday just before you came ... from a group of Christians there. My my my ... haven't they got a bit of complaints about ya, baby.

NTR:         Ahhh, sir... you know how it is with political opponents. They can't defeat you with ballot boxes, they throw all these slanders at you. No sir. Nope. That news is no more true than Jesus having a night of bliss with mary Magdalene wearing a thorny crown and nothing else. Though if Martin Scorcese had his way ...

Pope:       Shhhh!! Don't take the name of our Lord in vain. And forget about that Scorcese fella. Just between you and me... not that I give a hoot at all with these Italians, you see. But how can one blaspheme and  …

NTR:         Ahh! Blasphemy! Well actually sir, that is the very thing I would like to discuss with you about ...
See, sir. The government of Malaysia had recently obtained in excess of a few hundred million dollars in offset programmes in our many defense purchases. Now I was thinking what more better way to show our gratitude than to do something for Your Holiness' cause to spread the word of God.

Pope:       That is certainly very thoughtful of you. And what do you have in mind?

NTR:         Well, for one, I would like to sponsor the printing of bibles worldwide with the name "Allah" replacing all occurrences of "God" therein.

Pope:       Holy Veggie Fettucini! Are you out of your freakin' al-Qaeda infested mind? Why would I wanna do that?

NTR:         Well see, sir. We have this group of Catholics from Malaysia, you see, who would very much like that each and every occurrence of the word "Lord" or "God" or "Father" or "Yahweh" that occur in both the old and New Testaments be changed to Allah. So I thought ... that is an extremely lovable gesture on their part for what we muslims find difficulty in achieving for centuries, namely bringing the name Allah into the lips of billions of Christians the world over, the Malaysian Catholics could do it in just a jiffy, and I was thinking what more appropriate gesture of solidarity and brotherhood  between the two religions than to offer some monetary assistance and expand this printing to the audience worldwide.

Pope.       Solidarity Sodority Molarity my foot. Malaysian Catholics did you say? Grrr.. wait till I get  my hands on those no good son-of-a-..... Bong!Who’s our man in Malaysia? Something Puckyam or something. What's that? Oh hold on a second, Prime Minister.
(Cardinal Bong spends a whispering moment with his holiness...)

Pope:       Ahh... I see. Now I am getting a clearer picture here. I understand that the Allah name is only to be printed in the Malay Language bible, correct? And what's wrong with that?

NTR:         Nothing wrong, Your Holiness. Nothing at all, except that it doesn't make any sense at all. You have Allah as the name of the Deity in one section of the world and anything else BUT, elsewhere? I mean, I know of some priests who would DIE fighting to eradicate the name of Allah to be mentioned in the lips of humanity and you have your people here wanting to print it?

Pope:       Look. What does it matter WHAT this God is called. As long as your people there can be easily conver--- I mean as long as they become good people, why not?
NTR:         We understand that, sir. But what's wrong with printing the name worldwide so that OTHER Christians the world over can also share the name of this deity? We can even start by printing your bibles that are in use here in the Vatican.

Pope:       Hey! Are you mocking me? No way in heaven am I going to do THAT. We have been calling this God as "Lord" or "Father" for the past 2000 years so why should we change now?

NTR:         Exactly. That's what I have been telling our Reverend Kumar there in Malaysia, you see. But nooo... he wouldn't listen. But then Your Holiness, you DO agree that we share the same God don't you?

Pope:       Yes of course I do.

NTR:         And that this God, or this Allah, is the one who created the heavens and the earth and sent Moses with his Torah ...

Pope:       Yes ... that He did.

NTR:         … And Jesus with the gospels ...

Pope:       Yes... Yes...

NTR:         ... And Mohammed with the Qur'an, being the Final Message ...

Pope:       Yes, yes... I mean ... NO!! I mean, yes! Hey what are you trying to do here. Put words into my mouth?

NTR:         But then, if you cannot verbally endorse here that Allah is the name of the deity that you guys have been worshipping for the past 2000 years, how then can you allow for the bible in Malaysia be printed using that name?

Pope:       But He is! He is! Surely you are not saying that there is ANOTHER God worthy of worship, are you?

NTR:         Of course not. But then if He is the same God, then we must also hold as true when this very same Allah tells the world that Christian priests have modified and edited their bibles with their own hands so as to change their meanings.

Pope:       Careful now ... you are crossing very thin lines.

NTR:         And it also must be agreed when this same Allah says in the Quran that Jesus did NOT die on the cross, denies that He had instructed Jesus to insist on him being called Son of God or that He begets him?

Pope:       Ahhh I know where you are going with all these. You are trying to confuse me, aren't you sir?

NTR:         See, Your Holiness. We can't let you print the bible in our language and tell people in one book it says that Allah has a son and that the way to salvation is accepting this man as God himself, while in another book it says this Allah has NO son and that those who say and write so are blaspheming Him?

Pope:       (Scratching Holy head). Well now YOU have me made a bit confused here.
NTR:         But see, sir. In terms of admonishments for goodness and piety, we share more things in common than we do differences. For example, let me show you here how in this bible (NTR takes his copy of the bible from his pocket) where it says …
Pope:       You get that filthy thing out of my sight !!
NTR:         What’s the matter? But this is the copy of the bible I cilok from our hotel room in Pennsylvania last night …
Pope:       Yes, but it’s not our bible. It’s the King James one. It’s not the true gospel.
NTR:         Bbbbut… Your Holiness. This version of the bible is used by billions of people in Europe, in America and elsewhere. Surely …
Pope:       Yes I know but it’s not ours. We use a different  one. Those King James crap has deleted entire books of God’s Word.
NTR:         But what kind of a holy book is this that is prone to human tampering, editions and deletions? And remember: they are used by billions of Christians and yet you say it is not the true bible?
Pope:       Nope.
NTR:         Well okay which one shall I use then. The Scoffield version?
Pope:       Holy Mackerel, No! God Forbid.
NTR:         What about the New Revised Standard, then?
Pope:       No!
NTR:         Berkeley issue, Good News bible, Holman Standard, Reina Valera version, New American Standard, Young’s Standard, Guttenberg bible, New International Standard?
Pope:       No, no, no, and no! We can’t have all these… false manuscripts permeating all over. And it’s all because of that darn Martin Luther fellow.
NTR:         See sir. In Islam we only have one Qur’an, which has been used for more than 1400 years. It has not been tampered or edited in any way, and it’s been used by various types of races and nations even though they can’t even talk with one another due to language differences. But we share the same Qur’an.
Pope:       Hey now are you preaching to me? We have problems of our own, alright. But you can’t  just come here and rub it on onto us. Besides it is confusing already with this Puckyam bible that that they are now putting on my table.

NTR:         But I tell you how to get out of this confusion, your Holiness. Just tell me this. Is Allah the same deity who sent Jesus and Muhammad?

Pope:       Of course He is.

NTR:         Well do you pray to this God in your masses and sermons and prayers?

Pope:       Of course I do!

NTR:         And do you, or have you ever invoked this God by his Allah name before ...?

Pope:       Yyyyyyyaa……. What about it?

NTR:         So how about right now, let's pray together and I say Ameeen to that and let's invoke the name Allah: not the Father, not Son, not Holy Ghost. Let's pray to Allah, the one True God both agreed by you and me, and let's pray for the peace of the world. I have a small video recorder with me here: let’s videotape our prayers and put it up in Youtube or something so people all over the world can see.

Pope:       Are you out of your freakin’ UMNO-infested mind? For 2000 years no Pope has ever done that in Vatican and you want me to start? Imagine the lashings I get from my cardinals all over the world, not to mention those pesky Protestants with their innumerable denominations. And I bet you three shekels, my rival Pope Shenoda would have a field time ridiculing me on this.
NTR:         Then sir, since I now understand that this action or insistence that the bible includes Allah’s name in it is not getting any endorsement from you, or it doesn’t come from the Holy See’s edict (since you yourself are not willing to do that for your own bible or even pray for once using that Name) I do not have any other conclusion other than that whatever your Pakiam counterpart is doing in Malaysia, is of his own accord and not getting any endorsement from you. Am I correct in that assumption sir?
Pope:       Correct, correct, correct. That no good son of a gun has alllllllways been doing crazy things to attract my attention, you see.  But Mr Prime Minister, I also heard recently that your cruel and dictatorial government has been bulldozing churches, killing Christians by the thousands, burning bibles and forcing Christians to become muslims at gunpoint. What gives?
NTR:         Well to tell you the truth sir, that’s the first time I hear about it myself. I mean, where do you GET all these nonsense news?
Pope:       Ooh I don’t know. What was that news website we were surfing the other day, Cardinal Bong? No not the Naughty Nuns in Nantucket one. Malay kini, Petra Kini or something like that. But anyway that is no matter. I am telling you, Mr Prime Minister. It does you no good desecrating Jesus Christ and his ministry in your country…
NTR:         Desecrating! Surely you of all people know better that Islam is the ONLY religion outside of Christianity that makes it an article of faith to believe in the ministry of Jesus, his virgin birth, his miraculous works, his Second coming? And you also know that if ever there is a muslim who rejects Jesus Christ as true and as coming from God and in as much sneer at him or his mother, he ceases to be a muslim?
Pope:       You are only saying that …
NTR:         It is true! Well tell me now, Your Holiness. You say so highly about the Jews, protect them so much, support them no matter what, and have some dear attachments to them. But can you tell me now what the Talmud says about Jesus Christ?
Pope:       That he was a false impostor with Black Magic capabilities, and is presently in Hellfire boiling in pus and semen …
NTR:         Na’u zubillah! And what do they say about Mary his mother?
Pope:       That she was a prostitute who conceived Jesus after a night of bliss with a Roman Soldier
NTR:         See, sir? And if any muslim SAY that at all, the other muslims would KILL him in order to protect the sanctity of Jesus. And yet, with the Jews having THAT as an article of their faith, you support them, you magnify them and you rescue them even in the light of they making atrocities amongst the muslims, your supporters.
Pope:       Yes. I agree and think that that has to change soon enough.
NTR:         Well anyway sir, I have taken too much of your valuable time. I really enjoy this visit and hope that we have the opportunity to meet again.
Pope:       God Bless you, Prime Minister. The pleasure is all mine. Have some more Cassatta Siciliana please ….